[H] Next, you’re supposed to normalize asking for help. Ask your child to identify the adult he orshe would turn to if the child was feeling depressed, such as an aunt or uncle, neighbor or family friend. Self-identify as a helper too, but be clear that it’s OK if your child feels more comfortable approaching someone else first. The goal is to normalize asking for help and to encourage kids to anticipate what they would do if they felt overwhelmed by big or dark feelings.

　　[I] Parents should also encourage teens to seek help for a friend who’s suffering or clearly is miserable, unhappy or worse, talks about suicide. As tweens separate from their family, they prioritize peer relationships and may worry they’ll endanger a friendship if they’re viewed as a “snitch (告密者).” Explain that it’s always more important to save someone’s life and that some secrets are dangerous. Give your child the language to use with a friend. For instance, your child could say, “I care about you, but this problem is too big for me, so either you tell an adult or I’ll help you get the support you need.”

　　[J] To widen tweens’ safety nets, parents should spend time getting to know their kids’ friends and be sure to exchange information, especially worrisome details, with their friends’ parents. Tweens want meaningful ties to caring adults, but their sense of community and support often evaporates when they make the transition from elementary to middle school. They shift from one homeroom teacher to seeing as many as seven teachers a day, and they may not know any of the kids in their classes.

　　[K] Besides, parents should try to arm tweens with coping strategies. Tweens lack life experience and perspective and need help labeling emotions and coping with distress. Parents can’t protect kids from disappointment, but they can help them recover from a challenge and learn to build resilience. Urge your tween to practice self-care, including healthy sleep and eating habits, and help your child identify coping strategies, such as exercising, reading a book, listening to music or practicing mindfulness. Make sure kids have plenty of opportunities to express their emotions, whether they cry, journal, draw a picture or call a friend. Be a role model and share your own favorite coping strategies.

　　[L] Young adolescents also have trouble sitting with discomfort, so explain that no feeling lasts forever or at the same intensity, and help them “talk back” to distorted thoughts. Ask questions about a specific issue bothering them as a means for them to learn how to evaluate problems and determine if they are overreacting. When kids have a toolbox of strategies to draw from, they’re more positive and feel better equipped to handle big emotions. Encourage them to keep a log of approaches that work, whether they write them on Popsicle sticks or list them on an index card they keep in their books.

　　[M] Keep in mind that academics can become a source of anxiety and depression in middle school. The difficulty tends to increase just as tweens are becoming more aware of how they compare themselves to peers intellectually. Some may develop perfectionist tendencies, while others shut down entirely. Parents should maintain reasonable expectations, help to release the pressure and allow or find time for unstructured play